Mudd

For the past year, since Crew died, I have struggled with our unsure future of more babies.
Should we have more?
Can we have more?
Can my heart handle the disappointment of losing another baby?
Should I be content with the two perfect boys we have?
I will say a lot in this post not becuase I am making this decision by myself, but because my amazingly strong Brandon has more faith than I do. He nevers wonders what is next. He is my rock of strength no matter what comes our way.
July of 2013 we found out we were pregnant again. We did not tell anyone based on my history of miscarriages, and tried to remain positive. One day, while driving home with the boys, Brandon asked the boys what we would name our next baby. Zane was very confident when he yelled "Mudd". Brandon told me about the "potential" name idea and we got a good laugh.
During the next week I started bleeding and found out I was miscarrying yet another precious baby at 7-8 weeks pregnant. We were saddened and I leaned closer to the idea that we may never have anymore children. However, the innocence and faith of a child is what has kept the broken pieces of my heart intact for the past few months. Zane and Jett draw pictures and speak often of Mudd. They talk about him being a part of our family and living with us some day. I do not know Heavenly Father's timeline, but I have received personal revelation that I will have another baby some day. I am not sure how he will get to me whether it be through adoption, foster, or birth, but I will have another baby. For now that knowledge is good enough for me.